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21. No Karen, you cannot get me arrested for being an alcoholic.
“So here’s the deal. I drink a lot. I drink privately, I would NEVER drink and drive, I am quiet and respectful.
I have a job, I have friends, I have a nice apartment, I’ve never hurt anyone.
Most nights, I like to chill out on my couch with a drink (or 10). Thus, I often walk into my apartment building with a case of beer or whatever I decide to poison my body with that night. Many of those nights, I’ve run into a certain middle-aged woman on the elevator.
Well, yesterday I got a phone call from my landlord. Here’s how the conversation went:
Me: Hey Ray. What’s up?
LL: Uhh. I got something awkward to tell you.
Me: Okay… what is it?
LL: Someone made a complaint about you.
Me: What? For what?
LL: Another tenant called to say that you’re an out-of-control alcoholic, and you always walk into the building carrying alcohol. She wants you out of the building.
Me: Umm… okay?
Long pause. We both start laughing.
LL: Yeah, she said the next time she sees you with alcohol, she’s calling the cops.
Me: Tell her I said good luck with that, and to tell me how it goes.
You can’t get me arrested for being an alcoholic in peace, Karen.” –u/throwralco
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