It’s no secret that marriage is tough — and foreplay can be one of the casualties. These tweets from married couples encapsulate how little foreplay is involved when you’ve been together for a while.
If you’re single, these tweets will make you celebrate. If you’re married, just know that misery loves company. Enjoy!
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
My husband surprised me by bringing me back a twice-baked potato stuffed with bacon and onions and cheese and is this foreplay? Because it feels like foreplay.
— Arianna Bradford (@thearibradford) December 1, 2019
7.
My husband came home and and asked if I wanted to go to Home Goods.
Is this foreplay?
— Professional Worrier (@pro_worrier_) June 12, 2020
8.
Marriage foreplay be like…
I just watched my wife finger an ice cube out of the ice dispenser in the freezer door.
…ITS SO FUCKING ON LATER.
— Your Favorite Gay Mom🌈 (@lezzimomof2) November 24, 2020
9.
Married foreplay is just five minutes of confusion about whether your spouse is using a suggestive euphemism or asking you to do a chore.
— Amy Dillon (@amydillon) July 19, 2015
10.
You're not really married until doing the dishes counts as foreplay.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 5, 2015
11.
Wife and I are at that age where foreplay is just us describing things we'd probably do to each other if we weren't so tired and achy.
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) March 9, 2021
12.
My husband booked me an eye-exam and pre-filled all the paperwork for the appointment. Is this some sort of foreplay? Because if it is, it’s working.
— Scary Mommy (@ScaryMommy) November 11, 2020
13.
is this married people foreplay, leaving hints on the alexa grocery list… pic.twitter.com/WmjRT0fmfo
— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) October 3, 2021
14.
my wife just sang the animal crossing theme song during foreplay so
that’s where we’re at.
— niki ang (@nicolaang) April 8, 2020
15.
When you’re married with children, searching for an all inclusive vacation on Groupon is the hottest foreplay there is.
— John Cena (@SohnCena) January 2, 2020
16.
Me: Texts husband to come upstairs.
Husband: Comes up with snacks and a cold drink.
And that's what foreplay looks like after 12 years of marriage.
— bipolarmommi (@KarenGiannina6) March 3, 2020
17.
Foreplay with kids is my husband sleeping on the floor of our toddlers room for half an hour or so before creaking his way into our room while complaining about his bad back before brushing his teeth and saying, "so, we doing this or what?"
Yes we are, baby!
— The Salty Mamas (@saltymamas) August 10, 2019
18.
19.
You know you’re married with kids when having your spouse apply sunscreen to your back counts as foreplay
— Go Ask Your Dad (@_goaskyourdad_) July 6, 2020
20
My husband just enthusiastically shushed me so that he could watch a 10 minute video on making sourdough bread, so yeah, I guess you can say we take part in foreplay.
— Arianna Bradford (@thearibradford) April 2, 2021
21.
What do you call it when your spouse yells at your child on your behalf? I call it foreplay.
— John Cena (@SohnCena) June 8, 2020
22.
Rubbing IcyHot on your wife's back is considered foreplay in your forties.
— Dan Regan (@DanRegan_Comedy) October 7, 2020